Shifting Mindset: Finding Balance Between Ambition and Acceptance
We know that shifting our mindset can shift our mood — but for us Turbo Thinkers, prone to rumination and getting stuck in the fascinating world of our own heads, that's easier said than done. With many of my clients, we discuss the difference between ambition and acceptance. How do you find the balance between striving for more and being happy with what you have? We struggle to create a cost-benefit analysis on our own, the list of pros and cons seeming endless. Ironically, though the possibilities may be endless, the belief that we can actually manifest any of them seems next to impossible. Our view is myopic, shortsighted, seeing only our immediate reality (or perceived reality). We can't truly believe that what we see in others is possible for ourselves. The story becomes "I could never..." It's not necessarily a negative story, but we often need someone else to point out that an alternative reality, a better reality, is possible.
I recently had dinner with a close friend, Sophia, a strong woman, a true badass. That evening, though, her mood was low, and she felt stuck. She didn't quite understand why — her story was one of resilience, grit, and perseverance, someone who rolls with the punches. She's completely self-sufficient and financially independent, owning her own home. She's content in her routines sprinkled with sparkles of costumed events in a bohemian art scene. Yet she told me of her struggles, primarily in two areas of her life.
First, at work, Sophia maintains her lifestyle by tolerating a dysfunctional and inept management team. She watches colleagues fly the coop to more lucrative positions, while she remains loyal to her employer, even as other offers land in her inbox.
Second, in her personal life, Sophia continues to endure an abusive ex-partner who persistently inserts himself into her world, berating her at every turn. "We share similar social circles," she said. "It's just the way it is. I'll be fine." Her brain tells her, "I can handle it all by myself."
This positive story of strength serves her, but could there be a better one? A story without tolerating mistreatment and disrespect, both professionally and personally? What if she felt safe and confident exploring the opportunities offered to her? What would it be like to move forward, to create something new in her current situation? Hers is no life of hardship, and she's grateful for that. But because I love her, I want so much more for her.
I met with Olivia, a client who sees her story as one of eternal growth and success, a nonprofit now becoming a major national organization. She works relentlessly, late nights and weekends for her cause, inspiring others as a changemaker. Hers is a story of dedication and community service, of selfless work for others. And yet, she laments having no time for friends, family, or personal interests, abandoning horseback riding long ago. She lives in isolation and exhaustion, her health affected by stress-related flare-ups of an autoimmune disease. But what if she could let go of the fear of letting go? What if her organization's growth didn't rest solely on her, this Turbo Thinker? Her belief: she'll be fine, she can handle it all by herself. But what if she could collaborate, delegate, automate, or eliminate certain aspects of her work? She's stuck in an all-or-nothing thought pattern, seeing her work as full steam ahead or death — quite literally leading her to an early grave. Could it be both? Could she enjoy life and watch the nonprofit succeed? Olivia is such a beautiful person, inside and out. I want her to spend time outdoors, go riding, be with her family and friends. Because I love her, I want more for her.
Both Sophia and Olivia's stories are those of survival just short of martyrdom. They see themselves as the protagonists of their lives — superheroes of strength. But what if we change the story? It's not that the stories are bad; they're both strong, successful women. But these are good stories at a cost. As Turbo Thinkers, we often work hard to create positive situations for ourselves, choosing either acceptance or ambition. However, sometimes these choices come at a price. We need help in loving ourselves so that we can accept less and strive for more, or strive less and accept more.
This shift in mindset is challenging to achieve alone. That's where a trusted and experienced coach comes in. A good coach loves their clients unconditionally and sees them as whole and capable. They help Turbo Thinkers recognize that they can create a better future for themselves, one that balances ambition and acceptance in a way that serves their well-being. We can't always see for ourselves what others can see for us. We need help shifting our mindset, to understand our balance between ambition and acceptance — and that's precisely what a great coach provides.